Gwen Moran - When the words matter

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Humor

My Secret Mother’s Day Wish List

"My Secret Mother’s Day Wish List"
Instead of expensive tokens of appreciation, my secret wish list includes a dozen things that would never be featured in a 30-second commercial, mostly because of FCC regulations. Here are the things I really wish my family would give me for Mother’s Day (in addition to the glitter collage made in school, of course). [Read the article.]



"Surviving the Tantrum of ‘04"
It comes when you least expect it, with more fury than an F-6 tornado, and the potential to be just as destructive. It can strike at home, but will more likely hit when you’re out and about, minding your own business, running a few errands, or having lunch at a local chain restaurant. “It” is the terrible temper tantrum.
[Read the article.]


Surviving the Tantrum


"The Sick Sense"
As I survey the result of my rusty make-up skills in the mirror, my darling two-year-old shuffles into the bathroom, and my heart drops. Glassy eyes. Flushed cheeks. She says the dreaded words that I already know, "Mommy, I don't feel good," and then throws up on my new pedicure.
[Read the article.]



"Toddler vs. Trump: The Real Apprentice"
Donald Trump is a push-over compared to a three-foot task-master with an attitude. [Read the article.]

Blocks


Lawn


"The Grass is Always Greener after the Lawn Guy Leaves"
If you've ever been given thanks for the guy who cuts your grass, this essay is for you. [Read the article.]


"Sweet Nothings"
It's nearly Halloween once again, and I'm beginning to break out in a cold sweat. While I can sit through most of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" without blinking, this time of year has me quaking in my not-yet-broken-in Ugg boot knock-offs. It's not witches, ghouls or ghosts that scare me as we get closer to October 31. It's that bag of Twix bars that are calling my name from the kitchen cupboard. [Read the article.]

Halloween Candy


"Life as I Know It" Humor Column



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